I Didn’t Love My Wife When We Got Married | Pop Chassid


I Didn’t Love My Wife When We Got Married


Interesting article.  I could barely get past the crazy fact that they were engaged in two months and married in three.  But in any case, although I basically agree with the author of this piece, I have a slightly different take on love and marriage.

Yes, love is about giving to the other person… but more than that, romantic love (true love, not the infatuation of the first year for the very young) isn’t so much an emotion as it is a DECISION.  Love is a decision you make every day to put your relationship (in effect, a distinct entity) before your personal ego.  It’s a choice you make to weather the bad times — even when you’re mad (because you’re right and he’s wrong, or some other stupid thing that doesn’t remotely matter)… or you’re not “getting your needs met”… or it’s no longer fun… or you simply one day don’t “feel it.”

Be a grownup and get over yourself.

As a matter of fact, I think the whole “loss of passion” concept is childish, a way to justify laziness, basically a lame excuse.  Passion does not, and cannot, exist in a vacuum.  It has to be nurtured.  Even when you don’t feel it, if you’ve made that commitment, you work your ass off to bring it back.  There’s nothing magical about love.  It’s hard work.

True love means striving to give not 50/50, not 60/40, but 100/100 percent.  When the going gets rough, when “life” gets in the way, when illness or a family crisis or personal disappointments or money problems or any number of other challenges come up, you or your partner might end up temporarily giving less and/or taking more… but overall you both aim for 100 percent so that you’re always covered.

When both people in the relationship make that 100/100 investment, the return is huge.  And it is hugely satisfying.

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